As I waited in the oncologist office for my treatment, I thought about the funeral of a child hood friend, Mrs. Keyana Gray, I JUST attended her funeral on November 4th. It's still a shock to me. She was the cousin of one of my best friends, so just as long as I've know my best friend I've known KeKe, round about since 6th grade so probably about 15 years. So every time I talk to my best friend and I hear the hurt in her voice it does something to me. She doesn't know that but I guess she will now :) I LOVE YOU! Though KeKe and I didn't have the same illness (she had Renal Disease since we were younger), that could have been me! When I think of her my heart smiles and I KNOW for a fact that everyone that she came in contact with feels the same way. She NEVER complained, she had the peace of God even on her worst days!
So I'm leaving my radiation and I call one of my college roommates to see if she had heard the news about Keya and she didn't. I know she didn't because she definitely would have called me about it. She knows how I am about this cancer thing now and she would have called. It was just as much a shock to her as it was to me. After that call I got a call from one of my old clients, which is also a friend. We talked and talked about everything going back and forth sharing stories. We hadn't caught up in a while since I'd been going through chemotherapy so it was great to talk. He shared his personal trials that he's been going through which involved 2 Cancer scenarios (different kinds of cancer), a death, and a surgery on his God baby (8 months old) This added to my sadness but yet heightened my GRATEFULNESS and THANKFULNESS. You NEVER know what your neighbor is going through so try your best not to complain and always be sympathetic to next. Someone ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has it worse than you! Jesus died for our sins on the cross at they tortured him and YET he still didn't complain! Who are we to gripe and complain about the petty stuff. Even if it's not petty, cast your burdens unto Jesus, he blood was shed for us so I know with all of my heart that he wont for sake us.
I talked to him for over a hour and he doesn't know this but I almost started crying when we were talking because I was so touched by what he and his family have been going through. Though I may seem tough at times, I'm such a softy and today was one of those days. :) His trials on top of KeKe and Keya touched me in a way that was explainable, all I can say is I know it was God. After I got off of the phone with him I cried. I called my Mom first and cried some more, thanking her for being there for me and raising me in the way I should go, thanking her for showing me God's faith at a young age. I'm ever so grateful for my Mama, I LOVE HER. After I was done with her, I called my Dad cried some more just thanking him for being the father that ever child dreams of. He's nothing but the best to me. I LOVE HIM. I wasn't crying because I was sad I was crying because how GOOD my God is. Those that know me personally, know that I don't cry that often and I don't think I've ever in my life had a cry like I did today in my car. I HAD BREAST CANCER!!! That is so unbelievable to me some days. To know that he loves me so much to use me as a vessel through this cancer journey is that UNCONDITIONAL love. You'll NEVER feel that from another human being EVER. It's so real. I'm living everyday like it's my last, not being worried or complaining.
God shows us UNCONDITIONAL love EVERY SINGLE day and a lot of times we take that for granted. You have to cherish each breath you take, each family member, each friend, and don't ever take it for granted. I know, we're human, we mess up, God knows that but when you notice that you are doing it, JUST THINK "someone is missing a family member", "someone is missing a friend", or "someone is on their last breath and you're wasting yours complaining. That's not what God wants of us. We have to do better. So every morning and every time you get a chance thank him for the people in your life, the breaths you take, a roof over your head, food to eat, and just life. And if you don't have all of that, Speak Life and thank him in advance for the blessings that he has to come for you. Remember we are his children and he WILL take care of us.
So as I close, I'd like to do 2 things. #1 I was to keep people aware, GO GET CHECKED!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Not just women but men too. Men also get breast cancer, so if you know that it flows heavily in the women in your family, please go get checked. Not only get checked for breast cancer but just do doctors visits in general and take better care of ourselves. I always tell people that I waited almost 2 years to go get my lump checked, DON'T BE LIKE ME! If you feel like there is something out of the norm happening in your body please go to a doctor, that's what they are her for. Even if you don't have insurance, there are options (i didn't have any!).
#2 I'd like to say that I am keeping the Cash, Gray and Carlisle families in my prayers. I pray that God gives each family member and friend of each of these ladies peace, strength, joy, and a sound mind. I know he will. I hope I didn't cross any boundaries with this post but I just had to let people know how good God is and how wonderful these 2 ladies were. OUR stories will help others in a way that we may never now and I know that God has both of them right there by his side. There is no better place they could be. You both will be missed. XOXO