Sunday, July 17, 2011


     So I haven't written anything in a while because I only like to write when I've felt moved by something or when I've felt like I've learned something and I'd like to share it. I've been doing GREAT with this cancer journey if I do say so myself but I do have lots of time to think these days. So in one of my many thinking moments, I started to get down on myself a little bit. Not because I'm going through treatment but because of all of the things that this treatment affects in my life.
     For those of you that know me personally you know that I am a very hard worker. I've been working since I was 14. Many times I will hold down 2 and 3 jobs with no problem, so I'm use to getting what I want when I want it and doing it myself without any help. This is where the down side comes in, since I haven't been working like I'd like to or like I know I'm capable of doing outside of treatments I don't have to the money that I'm use to having and I can't always do the things that I'd like to do, which is really hard for me to take in at times.
     Dont' get me wrong, I have a nice place to lay my head, food to eat every day (and I do love to eat LOL), a car to drive, and even a couple of jobs that I can go to when I have the energy to do so. So why am I worried. I mean I still have small bills I have to pay and things that I'd like to do and places I'd like to go so I guess I'm not where I'd like to be but who is? All in all God shows me every day that I am blessed more that I think. When I think of it all God tries to bless me and lots of times I don't accept because I'm not humbling myself enough to receive the things he has in store for me.

 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
Proverbs 25:9

     I have someone everyday ask me, "Are you good?", "Do you need anything?", or to tell me "Call me if you need something.". My reply "I'm good (because HONESTLY I am)" or "No I don't need anything (because I really don't)". I figure God will take care of my bills when the time comes and he surely does. I guess you could call all of that Pride and I guess as humans we all have some of that somewhere where it's not needed.  I'm learning to humble myself and receive what God gives me through others.
     I'm just so use to being on the other end of the giving that it's tough sometimes. I'm sure there is something (whether its time, money, help, gifts, smiles, hugs, a talk, wants, or needs) you can humble yourself to receive on a daily basis. So I challenge whoever is reading this to humble yourself to receive the blessings that God has in store for you. They may not come the way you expect it but take them as they come and be grateful of the blessing he has set out for you. Remember that his plan is ALWAYS beyond what we can imagine!

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

2 Rounds of Chemo down 4 more to go!! Woohoo!
(Me and my brother Kevin)

I went all the way and shaved it all off! I love it!! :)


Thursday, July 7, 2011


If God gave you everything you wanted, you would have nothing to strive for, & the joy of success would not be yours.

     That was a quote from some one's twitter time line that I saw first thing this morning and it's so true. This week I've been battling with being patient in what God is preparing me for. I want the things that he's promised me now, or at least a blue print of what's to come. LOL. I know that I'm not going through this journey in vain, I just want to know the outcome.  I'm sure we are all like that at some point in our day or in our life in general. We have to believe and know that he has our best interest at hand and that he has nothing but big things planned for us.
    He has these big plans for us but we have to make sure that we are walking in his righteousness as well. We must abide by his word and know that his plan is what's best for us. Nobody wants to just win the game without playing, how fun would that be? I like knowing that I worked hard for all of my accomplishments.
     When I decided to do my first NPC figure competition in 2010 I went in full force. Nothing else mattered really. I made sure I did all of my cardio, ate on my diet on point, and went hard in all of my works. In my mind when times got tough, all I thought was winners don't quit. I just REALLY wanted to win. Not only did I want to win, but I wanted to stand out. I had never done a show before or even been to one so I had no clue what so ever what they were looking for. All I knew is that I wanted to win so I gave it all I had to get there. It all paid off because I won! Not only did I win my class but I was the over all winner as well. God blessed me with the desires of my heart and doubled it with one more trophy that I wasn't even expecting.

     So even when you get impatient and think that you need something now, just pray on it. He wants us to put full force into pleasing him so that we can be the light that shines for him. He always has something greater in mind than what we have for ourselves. I am learning every day that it's really not about me at all, it's about being pleasing to God so he can bless me like he wants me to be blessed. I'm open and ready to accept what he has in store for me. ARE YOU?


Saturday, July 2, 2011


     Yesterday was a big change for me, I cut most of my hair off. I've never in my life had an even remotely short hair cut. My hair started to shed from the chemotherapy treatments, so I figured why not. I got so fed up with hair being everywhere. I had this attachment to my hair (or so I thought) because I'd had long hair all of my life but it was so simple to make the decision to cut it. It was something that I thought would make it easier for ME. Many people wanted me to wait, but I had to do this for me. I felt so at ease sitting in the chair as she chopped it off LOL. It was a good feeling especially because it was something that I've wanted to do for years but was afraid to do it. It will grow back even better after the treatments are done.

     Alot of times we go through life doing things (small and big) to make other people happy regardless of how we may feel about the decision or the outcome. That's not living your life, that's living life for others. We can't be afraid of change. Sometimes change means leaving your comfort zone. It may not feel good in the moment but what you do with those emotions is what decides which direction your change goes. Change is good, it's what we make out of the experience. It can me a negative change but if you turn your thoughts positive, it can create some beautiful things! We have to do things that make us happy as individuals and I feel like so many aspects of our lives will be happier and will have more positive outcomes.

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.

     In my moments of clarity I see things in such a positive light now. I use to be one of those people that hated when other people were positive all the time. I would think, "they can't be positive about everything" but you really can. Positivity at all times (I'm human though, so I'm sure I'll slip here and there lol)  is part of my change and that one thing can make such a difference in other areas of my life. I want to live a happy life of change for myself and no one else, we can't always make others happy. Try CHANGE  and see how it works out for you.

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

Janae' :)

Have a blessed 4th of July weekend!!!